It was as I approached the precipice of accepting a poker-faced dispassionate disposition toward men that I literally bumped into him–sexy in the ways I always say I want but never meet. Maybe he would be dumb or work as a security guard…but no. He’s intelligent. He’s driven. He’s actively working on his career. His text messages were filled with words that you don’t learn as a security guard. His conversation was smooth and constant and easy. I found myself lost in his voice, remembering his sexiness as his voice drifted in and out of my consciousness, and I laughed–genuinely. I laughed. I never meet men like this…it was a breakthrough…
Out for drinks, and we spoke for hours…He is such a MAN…Don’t fuck him yet…He was funny and beautiful really…Where did he get all of that skin?…It got late, and he was trying to be a gentlemen, but I needed to taste his lips. I needed to. It was how he smiled at me–like I was the only woman in the world. He listened, and he laughed at my jokes, and he smiled his smile at me….We kissed. He kissed sweet soft passion back into my dispassionate self, and I felt the wetness in my panties, the cool night breeze on my nipples, and his strong hands on the small of my back holding me in place…it was a breakthrough… Continue reading
But I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
I’ve heard of men making the above statement, but it is usually because the man was not interested in the woman for one reason (she’s unattractive) or another (he’s only pretending that she’s interested in him). On the other hand, countless women seem to value female-male friendships to the degree that they are unwilling to risk ruining the friendship with a relationship.
She doesn’t want to risk ruining the friendship with a relationship.
What’s going on here? Recall what I’ve said about monogamy? It occurs to me that the notion that we should not date our friends is misguided. There is no doubt that most relationships fail. But why? The list of reasons is beyond the scope of this blog and most books–for that matter, but I do think that I have identified the principal cause of failed relationships…. Continue reading
One of the things I miss most from my childhood is that the girls were real. Real breasts and butts. Real eye lashes. And real hair (not withstanding some braid styles). But since the days when KRS 1, Tupac, Biggie and The Pharcyde all got played on the radio within the same hour, and BET had grown-ups as hosts and program directors (Donnie Simpson has to be turning over in his grave. What’s that? He’s still alive? My apologies.), culture and society have shifted in some very stark, dramatic ways. One of the most grave changes in this writer’s mind has been what seems like the nearly global acceptance of hair weaves as “a good look.”
I hate hair weaves. Aside from being a clear physical indicator of how acceptable it has become to be fake, many of them simply look ridiculous. I know women who earn 6 figures, own real estate, have graduate degrees, and still rock weaves that look like preschoolers made them. In addition, they just scream, “I HATE MYSELF AND ALL THINGS BLAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!” Keep it real. Have you ever met a proud, pro-Black chick, who knew her history, quoted Sojourner and Ida B., AND rocked a blonde weave? I can’t imagine Erykah Badu negotiating with a Korean woman over a bag of Hawaiian Silky. Wait. Let me close my eyes. Nope, don’t see it. Continue reading
A romantic relationship can end for many reasons: distance, differing values, outside interference, and in extreme instances, legal mandates. With the exception of the latter, the two people may attempt to maintain a friendship, however, I’ve rarely ever met ex’s that can successfully transition into friends. Even if a relationship ends on amicable terms, each person generally wishes the other well in all areas except romance.
In my experience, hearing my ex talk about his love life is painful. Seeing him with another woman is like being punched in the belly button, unexpected and cripling. Even after you’ve physically seperated from a person the emotional attachment is so hard to eradicate.
The closest comparison I can make is my relationship with clothing. For instance, when you’ve outgrown or worn out a favorite Continue reading
In a recent ABC News story five successful, attractive, and well-educated Black women lamented the fact that they were not yet married and had no upcoming prospects for marriage (see video below). The reporter went on to review a few well-documented Black marriage statistics, in what always seems like an attempt to paint a bleak, desolate picture for Black families as hopeless, archaic relics that can only be seen in a metropolitan museum somewhere. The numbers break down something like this:
- 42% of Black women have never been married (more than twice the rate of White women)
- There are almost 2 million more Black women in the U.S. than there are Black men
- Only 54% of Black men are “marriageable,” meaning they are neither imprisoned, gay, uneducated, unemployed, or dead (being alive is probably first on most people’s “ideal mate” lists) Continue reading
One of my favorite pastimes is chatting with women about their dating woes and triumphs. I find women’s ideas of dating fascinating, illuminating, and sometimes nonsensical at once.
I was sharing with a friend the 5 things I’m looking for in a woman, and after listing them, she told me that a man need only have three things going for him:
- A car
- Relatively nice attitude
Her list is very sad and informative. Hopefully, I don’t have to explain her list. I think it speaks for itself. We can discuss it if you’d like, though. Anyhow, I think those three things are far more common than she is letting on. As for me, I’m looking for 5–count’em 5–attributes in a woman. One would think these five things would be easy enough to find, but I feel like I may as well be searching for a penguin in Death Valley. Continue reading