Fashion Files – Volume 1: Metro-sexuals

According to the term metro-sexual is defined as a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and an inordinate interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males. However, defines it as a straight man who embraces the homosexual lifestyle, i.e. refined tastes in clothing, excessive use of designer hygiene products, etc. Usually he is on the brink of homosexuality.

With that said, metro-sexualism is running rampant among heterosexual males. The idea that it should take you longer to get groomed and dressed than me is ridiculous. Don’t get be confused though, I love that your shower time is at least 15 minutes and that you make sure your clothes are ironed, shoes are clean and hair is neat. But what I can’t get over is how your jeans match mine (fit and color), that your eyebrows are shaped, and that you ask one “Does this look good on me?” A clearer line needs to be drawn so that men can go back to being masculine and I’m going to start here:

  1. Nail maintenance: the occasional trip to the nail salon for a pedicure is a good idea, just like you want our feet to be smooth and claw-free; we want the same of yours. However, clear polish is UNACCEPTABLE and I will take that as you letting me know that you’re no longer into my kind. Manicures are ONLY okay if you use your hands at work (i.e., mechanic, construction, factory worker) because the dirt and grime accumulated under your nails would be hazardous; otherwise a quick clipping and/or filing at home would suffice.
  2. Clothing: skinny jeans, shiny jeans, anything bedazzled or rhinestoned (sorry Christian Audigier) better NOT be on your body or in your closet.
  3. Alcoholic beverages (if you choose to drink them): Drinking a martini = James Bond. Drinking an appletini = Perez Hilton. Doing a round of shots with fellas at the club = guy’s night out. Going to a wine tasting with the fellas = girls’ night out. Continue reading

Diary of a Savage Woman – Entry 2

Lately, I’ve been trying to understand certain aspects of the male mind, so I’ve decided to just ask directly what I’ve been pondering over.

Men: Who should provide the condoms? Are you turned off if a woman has some in her purse, night stand, glove compartment? Do you consider her to be promiscuous if she’s that prepared? If no condoms are available why not run to the store real quick? Why don’t you have condoms if you were planning a sexcapade? And why do you ask if we’re on the pill, as if that’s a replacement for condoms? Do men really try to trap women? And if so, under what conditions?

Please help out womankind and answer these questions.

Diary of a Savage Woman – Entry 1

Every now and then I’m reminded of how savage men and women can really be. Don’t be mistaken though, I am including myself in this assessment; I’m just okay with my own savagery. We, single women, all have a team of guys where each one fulfills a different purpose in our life until we find “Mr. Right” who will cover all our needs and wants.

Well, recently I decided to give a few of my teammates an opportunity to get off the bench since I had been unintentionally neglecting them. After a couple of unanswered calls (strike 1 for all of them), I called Mr. Ever-Ready”, named for his eagerness. It only takes one call to get an invite and upon arrival it only takes 10 minutes to get to the point of the visit. Sex. He also has the added bonus of giving no less than an excellent performance every time. However, this particular time he gave a surprisingly disappointing sexual display. Now, at first I thought perhaps he’s out of practice or he’s just tired from his day, but I quickly put that out of my mind because when you’re called for a particular job (i.e. massage, shoulder to cry on, escort) it’s understood that you’re expected to do that job well. As I came to this conclusion, I immediately got dressed, thanked him and then had him walk me to my car. While driving home I reflected on a few things: should I have just saved some gas and stayed home, should I permanently bench him or just take him of the team altogether, if I could do it better myself what really do I need him for . . . decisions, decisions.