Searching For Breakthroughs…She

It was as I approached the precipice of accepting a poker-faced dispassionate disposition toward men that I literally bumped into him–sexy in the ways I always say I want but never meet.  Maybe he would be dumb or work as a security guard…but no.  He’s intelligent.  He’s driven.  He’s actively working on his career.  His text messages were filled with words that you don’t learn as a security guard.  His conversation was smooth and constant and easy.  I found myself lost in his voice, remembering his sexiness as his voice drifted in and out of my consciousness, and I laughed–genuinely.  I laughed.  I never meet men like this…it was a breakthrough…

Out for drinks, and we spoke for hours…He is such a MAN…Don’t fuck him yet…He was funny and beautiful really…Where did he get all of that skin?…It got late, and he was trying to be a gentlemen, but I needed to taste his lips.  I needed to.  It was how he smiled at me–like I was the only woman in the world.  He listened, and he laughed at my jokes, and he smiled his smile at me….We kissed.  He kissed sweet soft passion back into my dispassionate self, and I felt the wetness in my panties, the cool night breeze on my nipples, and his strong hands on the small of my back holding me in place…it was a breakthrough…

He kissed me.  He kissed me again.  He put his hands where I wanted them.  He put my hands where I wanted them.  He kissed my lips, sucked my tongue and bottom lip, and made love to my mouth.  His hands never stopped.  He directed a beautiful orchestra of lust and affection.  He stood me up in front of him, and he melted my clothes off–first my bra with his left hand while his right index finger encouraged my wetness–then my shirt was off, and he never stopped kissing my skin–finally, my panties moistened my legs on their way to the floor…Is it always gonna be like THIS…He laid me on an altar and worshipped my body with earnest…his dick head feels so amazing…He whispered to me.  He wanted to know if he felt good.  I moaned an urgent, “Uh huh” in response.  I gushed and gushed uncontrollably, and when I felt that I might pass out, he slowed his rhythm, and I was so present in that moment.  He was with me.  He was especially there with me, and I heard music and saw unicorns and beautiful colors…He does it before I even know I need it…He was a lover…it was a breakthrough…

He listened…My favorite–color and flower, and it’d been ages since a real man made me feel like a real woman.  I stopped looking for his flaws.  I stopped fighting myself.  I gave in to him.  I loved him because I had to.  He was so much man.  All that man…it was a breakthrough…

Sucking and fucking and…Is he gonna be good at everything?!…I can be me with him.  I’m free, and I don’t get hungry when he’s around.  I don’t want to go out.  I don’t want to leave his presence.  I used to curl up under one of his armpits.  I was free and light and loving…free to love him in a way that made me feel whole…a beautiful breakthrough…

…his voice was trembling.  He was having trouble talking, and in the pit of my belly I felt a giant knot tightening as I braced for bad news.  And there it was…Now what?…I was angry.  He was angry.  I was hurt.  He tried to be strong for us–for me.  He accepted full responsibility, but I couldn’t hate him.  I tried, but the situation was bigger than us–beyond us…What happens now?…The young and innocent love was suffering, and it hurt my heart so much.  I hadn’t even had gotten comfortable with the love yet…a terrible breakthrough..

We told ourselves whatever we needed to, and it was after each emotional discussion that we took our frustrations out on our bodies.  It was sweet pain, and my tears only moistened my pussy, and we tried to fuck away the situation.  I decided to ignore reality…This is my man.  How can it be that I’m not with my man?  We’re made for each other…I told him I would fight and wait and see where things would go.  I would wait for my heart and mind to align in…a breakthrough…

…his voice was trembling, and I knew…a terrible breakthrough

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