No! You Do NOT Get A Pass!

I was chatting with The Spook about relationships, and, quite naturally, we got on the subject of cheating.  Not just any cheating–we discussed who our respective partners could cheat with (at least once) without the infidelity resulting in the demise of the relationship.  That’s right, we discussed who would be permitted a Cheating Pass.

Crunchy Black

Now, this raised some interesting issues.  For one, we had to determine what criteria needed to be met in order to get a Pass.  We discussed several key criteria, but for me it all came back to whether another man would understand.  For example, every Black man on Earth is morally obligated to give his woman a Cheating Pass to sleep with Denzel Washington one time.  I could show up at a friend’s house crying that my lady cheated on me, and soon as I say it was with Denzel, every man would say, “Yeah man, but that was Denzel Washington.  What did you expect.  Hell, I’d sleep with him, and I don’t even go that way!”  Do you see how there’s some common understanding there?  Well, on the other hand, no man is required or even permitted to give his woman a Pass for cheating with Crunchy Black from Three 6 Mafia.  I…trust you see the difference here.

The Spook and I went on to discuss a few others, and I thought I’d offer some of my picks for whom we can/cannot get a Pass.

Esther Baxter

Much like Denzel Washington, I wouldn’t care if I were married to Halle Berry (whom, every man gets a Pass for), I’m getting a Pass for Esther Baxter. 

Nick Cannon

Sorry sistas, but you can’t fault a man for stepping out on you with her.  On the other, no woman gets Pass for Nick Cannon.  I’m not sayin’ the brotha isn’t rich.  I’m not sayin’ he’s not in shape.  I’m not sayin’ he’s not famous, but much like Tevin Campbell, he’s just Nick Cannon, and you do NOT get a Pass for him because in the end, every dude would say, “She cheated on you with Nick Cannon?  Yo!  You betta check her!”

Let me also say that you don’t get a Pass for Lil Wayne.  I know that may come as a surprise to some women, but Lil Wayne is grimey as hell.  He actually looks dirty.  I’m not saying he is dirty, but he certainly has the look.  So, no.  You don’t get a Pass for Lil Wayne.  On the other hand, I’m willing to give you a pass for Boris Kudjoe.  I don’t know a woman who doesn’t find Boris attractive, so if he were inclined to bed my lady, and she went for it, as angry as I’d be, every dude would say, “Yeah, but it was Boris.  Homie, you gotta let that ride.”

(...a hater's comment in 3, 2, ....) Why are his legs so skinny?

But, that pass isn’t free.  Of course, I’m getting a pass for Beyonce.  Life just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t.  With that, I’d like to ask for a Pass for Meagan Good.  She doesn’t seem to be the smartest woman in the world, but those nips, lips, hips, and that sugar dip looks particularly sweet to me. 

I could go on.  But I’m interested in what you think.  Actually, before you say anything, you cannot get a Pass Trey Songz for no other reason than pure hating.  I mean, the brotha can sing and entertain, but he’s so damned skinny!  Naw!  You ain’t gettin’ no Pass for him!  F that!

5 thoughts on “No! You Do NOT Get A Pass!

  1. My criteria are based on my view of someone’s dirtiness. I’m concerned that certain celebrities should be sexually quarantined and therefore you may not get a pass if I deem them contagious.

    Pass: Sanaa Lathan, Michelle Rodriguez, Zoe Saldana, the Williams sisters

    No Pass: Rhianna, Nicki Minaj, Cassie, LisaRaye McCoy, Lauren London, Vivica Fox

    That’s just to name a few.

    Also, no you do not get a pass for Megan Good, especially without being given a pass for Trey Songz.

  2. Sanaa Lathan? Thank you. Michelle Rodriguez? Thank you. Zoe is a must, and while I am not interested in the Williams sisters, I’ll accept that award on behalf of all men.

    However, I must take exception to being denied Nicki. The rest of them breezies I’m cool, but naw. Nicki is a must.

    You ain’t denying me that!

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