Women! Blame Yourselves

Warning: You may not agree, but you are free to tellmewhyimwrong. 

Every now and then I am reminded that it is better to error on the side of being an ignorant male chauvinist than it is on the side of a modern male, emotionally balanced and self-secure.  In conversation with a female friend of mine, it came out that neither of us knows any women who regularly go for the type of man they would consider ideal (actually, I do know one, and she married my blog mate Earpiece–happily ever after).  In fact, women usually date the exact opposite of what they claim is their ideal type. 

This doesn’t mean that they aren’t coming across their ideal type, but my argument is (1) women don’t actually know what they want in regards to men (I can just hear women saying, “Men don’t know either!” lol), (2) if given the opportunity, a woman will choose the excitement of a drama-filled dog over a secure gentleman nine times out of ten, and (3) even if women did decide to date their ideal type, nine times out of ten, the woman is wholly unworthy and unprepared to be with a man like that.  Implicit within these assertions is a clear rejection of the notion that women are somehow naturally more self-aware or more suited for monogamy.  Granted, our society overtly teaches men to be emotionally unavailable, but the same indoctrination is happening for women–just more covertly.

A Pimp Named Slick Back....Yes. Say the whole name. Yes. Each time.

The thing is, it’s not really worth a “good” man’s time to figure out why a given woman can’t appreciate him or why she puts him down in order to be with someone she knows to be worthless.  Even if the man could figure out the problem(s), he’s powerless to fix it (or them).  It is always better to “give the people what they want” so to speak.  Women expect a certain level of mistreatment.  That’s right.  In the immortal words of a famous sista, “Beat her!”  Well, don’t beat her, but don’t be completely against going upside her head either because women are going to complain about mistreatment, but with expectation comes a preparation, and preparation lessens the blow of any negative event.  On the other hand, women are generally not prepared for an emotionally balanced man–to hear a man tell her that something she’s doing or not doing is hurting him or making him feel bad about himself.  The man who makes such complaints wouldn’t be considered manly.  Moreover, the woman wouldn’t have a clue as to how to deal with the complaints.  Often, there is a backlash because women typically have the moral upperhand since men have a long history of dogging women.  Women have just as long a history, but it’s less documented or accepted as relevant.

So what to do?  Dog’em!  Yeah I said it.  Be the asshole, the jerk, the emotionally distant one, the difficult to understand one, the one who won’t admit how he feels, the one who is capricious (in a bad way), the one who stays out late without explaining where’s he’s been, put your apartment in her name and never pay the rent, the one to complain about the clothes she buys you since you don’t have a job, the one who insists upon a double-standard, and the one who is highly likely to cheat on you, but for some reason you just can’t leave him alone because you “love him.”  Be that guy.  He wins–A LOT!

Don’t try to figure women out.  Don’t be the communicative, balanced, emotionally available, door-opening, walk on the outside of the sidewalk type guy–the type to not try to fix all her problems with sex, or the full of passion and romantic spontaneity type guy.  He’s only wanted on paper.  Amen.

21 thoughts on “Women! Blame Yourselves

  1. sundjata,
    i outta beat you for that. I cant speak for all women, and frankly, I dont want to. Them hoes are responsible for themselves. However, speaking from the perspective of the other 1 out of 10 women that do know what they want, I respectfully disagree. I have been dogged out. I dont want to be mistreated. I haven’t had the pleasure of coming across a “communicative, balanced, emotionally available, door-opening, walk on the outside of the sidewalk type of guy-the type to not try to fix all her problems with sex, or the full of passion and romantic spontaneity type guy.” He is not only wanted on paper, I want that guy!! I know you- literally i know you, so i know where you are coming from to a certain extent. I understand that. I also understand that men are consistently classifying some women as “wifey type”, but most dont know what that even looks like. I cook, I clean, I don’t let my man (if i had one) come “home” to a dirty house. I give backrubs, run bathwater, (no massaging of man- feet though), and I shut the f@!% up when the game or the fight is on. I strip for my man in stilletos with baby oil glistening “all over my body” (martin, you so crazy) I play the background, the submissive role when appropriate. I have a career, car, house, completely self sufficient. I want to get married, play the real wife role, have some well adjusted, well loved and emotionally balanced babies So you tell me, where are the men that are appreciative of all these attributes? Please give a little credit to the 10% of us that are holding things down and trying to be a good woman to some well deserving man. I will not blame anyone for anything. Everyone is grown and is responsible for themselves.

  2. I agree with you to some extent-there has to be some kind of drama otherwise everything gets boring, routine and mundane. Nobody wants to be constantly bored.

    But if a guy did everything you listed above, that would be a little extreme. Maybe one or two of your examples, but I don’t think that anyone could put up with all that. For very long anyway.

    However, I find that I crave a safe, secure relationship with a nice guy after a dramafest relationship with a jerk.

  3. These address the list of things you’re arguing:

    1. Women may not know what they want, but they do know what they don’t want. So we sift through the pros and cons of men that are available to us and choose potential mates. And yes, men don’t know what they want either but they just date whomever responds yes when asked.

    2. A woman does not enjoy the drama, but for some women (not myself) they like that a man is helpless. A woman like that uses her relationship to fill some emotional void she should’ve resolved through therapy. These are the same women who have babies for recreation.

    3. When a women is lucky enough to find her ideal type and he is available (physically and emotionally) and if she has only dated guys who turned out not to be her ideal then yes, she will not know how to react when she is consistently being treated well. Although each situation should be treated as a new separate situation (no one ever does that), it takes some time to adjust ESPECIALLY when men are perfect gentlemen for the first 2 weeks of a new situation.

    So, you think the solution is to fall in line with the assholes? But if you’re truly looking for a good woman that’s not the way to go. If a woman is not emotionally, spiritually, psychologically or physically at your level or lacks strong potential, then she’s NOT a good woman and she’s NOT the woman for you. It comes down to the issue that people are no longer dating anymore. Dating is how you cultivate a solid foundation of friendship and understanding.

    In conclusion, if you want a do-wrong woman then go ahead and be a do-wrong man, but if you’re looking for a do-right woman, keep doing right and you’ll get her.

    • Wrong. Females want men who meet specific physical characteristics. Given that the vast majority of females have the same physical characteristic requirement, only a small number of men fit those requirement. Men are far more flexible in that respect. Men who meet those physical characteristics know that they can do whatever they want and females will still be drawn to them, foolishly thinking they are special enough to change the man. Ha!

  4. MY 2CENTS!

    I have to agree (sigh). We grow up watching “dramas” as children/teenagers/young adults….so it would be safe to assume that is what we’d want for our own lives because that’s what seems to be the “norm”….it’s all around us. Our lives are exactly like the soap operas we watched growing up (sad but true). That’s why I’m a strong believer in … See MoreLESS tv watching and getting involved MORE in activities(sports, volunteering, mentoring etc). I ask my friends this on a regular “why do we say we want a Good man? when what we really end up with is the JERK/player….we get a good man and we treat him like crap and run him off the first chance we get (he’s too nice—WTF). Yet, we treat the JERK like he hung the moon/stars/sun/planets/the damn solar system….lol.” My friends and I agree…and then tomorrow she’s calling me cause her husband didn’t come home last night and wants advise (really?? you don’t want my advise because you’re going to do ecactly what you want to do and wonder why you keep getting the same results). It seems women are always looking for that “excitement” that comes along with the jerk…..It’s kinda like walking in a store that 1/2 is in black n white and the other 1/2 is in COLOR….where are we going? To the side with color..because it’s more “exciting” and less “boring”. If you had the nice guy…you wouldn’t be staying up late(wondering where he’s at or if he’s coming home), you wouldn’t cry yourself to sleep, you wouldn’t have that pretty black eye you gotta cover up with your pretty Chanel shades! It’s all DRAMA. Why do you even say you’re tired of the drama when that’s you’re whole life! Is it because we’re so insecure with ourselves that we don’t think we deserve the “good guy?” Hmmmm. In the end….men only do what you allow them to do….if we keep running to that jerk who -doesn’t open the doors -doesn’t come home at night -doesn’t walk on the outside of you…..WHY should they change ladies?! Sorry, for the book B

    • Wowsers! That’s at least 25 cents. :~) But, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. Turning off that damned TV and being a little more wise about decisions would be a big help. Alas, we are too busy dropping down to get our eagle on!

  5. *The Solution*

    (1) Put God 1st! Study his word- be that Proverbs 31 Virtuous Woman He designed us to be! (2) Turn the tv off! (3) Stop listening to your bitter (single) girlfriends and (4) stop living your life like it’s a reality TV show(drama)…That’s my take

    • Putting God first is definitely part of the solution. I’m probably
      breaking some man code – but if the ladies would stop
      putting out, then even the bad guys would have to fall in line.
      If you reward or allow a child to be bad, what is his/her
      incentive to do right. That’s why good guys are considering
      becoming jerks because they are being penalized for doing right
      and being labeled as boring. And the bad guys are reaping the benefits.

      • I don’t know that god is the answer…there’s plenty of sex going down in churches, but I do think that women who hold themselves (and their potential mates) to a higher standard are likely to be happier–in the long run–and lonelier–in the interim.

  6. Two wrongs dont make a right…… I have been that woman above for more years then I care to discuss….with my ex husband….. and actually I think it is a sickness…. on the womans part…..not to mention INSANITIY!!! I look back now and think to myself what on earth was I thinking… allowing him to be the center of my universe… When all he did was control and munipulate me, abuse and use me….. so sad so very, very sad.
    But today I have a clear mind and I think woman from the ages 18 to about 28 need to stir clear of men or at least serious relationships. Sorry ladies but it is like we are compleletly stupid and darranged in those ten years….. My hope is to teach my daughter WHO SHE IS and WHO SHE BELONGS TO (GOD) before she makes the same mistakes that I did….. But then again, when she is no longer under my roof and that a$$ of a man walks up and winks at her….. I know it will probably be all over with after that. I just hope the a$$ knows that she has a momma that dont play!!!!

  7. I think it is what it is and until we grown up and become wiser and understand that is not HOW it is suppose to be….. it will continue on and on. I mean you have the few smart ones that understand the true definition of love. But for the most part females will continue to thrive on the “OMG I cant beleive he just said … See Morethat or jsut did that” statement or Drown in their tears until they firgure out its not worth it and life is to short. Again TWO worongs dont make a right…… So love her with all your heart the way YOU are suppose to…. You can only control yourself, your emotions and your actions. What she does is up to her.

  8. my question is…. are you sure its ALL the womans fault? and have you taken any responsibilty for why it is YOU are attracting these type of woman?

    Your blog is true to an extent but I think men have to take some blame here. Men are often looking for the “homie, lover, friend” type of girl. They want the girl what will get along with the fellas, a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets, a girl that will watch the game & ENJOY it without having to put up a fight, a girl who will wrestle with you on the living roon floor, a girl who can hopefully cook & clean, and one who WILL let you have a guys night out without any complaints. This girl is usually well rounded & has learned these behaviors from trial & error, but MOST of them (not all) are still working out the kinks.. so are you asking her to be perfect or just perfect for you?

    I will be the first to admit…. a woman LOVES a challenge!! But its up to the man on what you are challenging her WITH. It’s true… women dont want a BORING man, respectfull, thoughtfull, appreciative – YES – but challenge us at the same time, in a POSITIVE way. Most of the time I dont think a man tells an atractive woman NO, regardless of what issues she has. If she is willing to put out, the man is willing put up. Men who feel this way need to raise their own standards and be a BIT more selective sometimes.

    “If you continue to do what you’ve always done, You will continue to get what you’ve always got”

    ImJusSayin

    • I hear a lot of cliche’s in your comment and that might be part of the problem. We are permitting a lot of childish “girl talk/locker
      room talk” to guide our decision making processes and most of this nonsense that we recite is not based on truths.

    • Females love men who meet specific physical characteristic requirements. They cannot handle intelligent, honest men. JusSayin

      • Now you just sound jaded. I good friend of mine says, “I go to the places where the caliber of women I like tend to go. To do otherwise and expect quality is foolish.”

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