Every now and then I am reminded that it is better to error on the side of being an ignorant male chauvinist than it is on the side of a modern male, emotionally balanced and self-secure. In conversation with a female friend of mine, it came out that neither of us knows any women who regularly go for the type of man they would consider ideal (actually, I do know one, and she married my blog mate Earpiece–happily ever after). In fact, women usually date the exact opposite of what they claim is their ideal type.
This doesn’t mean that they aren’t coming across their ideal type, but my argument is (1) women don’t actually know what they want in regards to men (I can just hear women saying, “Men don’t know either!” lol), (2) if given the opportunity, a woman will choose the excitement of a drama-filled dog over a secure gentleman nine times out of ten, and (3) even if women did decide to date their ideal type, nine times out of ten, the woman is wholly unworthy and unprepared to be with a man like that. Implicit within these assertions is a clear rejection of the notion that women are somehow naturally more self-aware or more suited for monogamy. Granted, our society overtly teaches men to be emotionally unavailable, but the same indoctrination is happening for women–just more covertly.
The thing is, it’s not really worth a “good” man’s time to figure out why a given woman can’t appreciate him or why she puts him down in order to be with someone she knows to be worthless. Even if the man could figure out the problem(s), he’s powerless to fix it (or them). It is always better to “give the people what they want” so to speak. Women expect a certain level of mistreatment. That’s right. In the immortal words of a famous sista, “Beat her!” Well, don’t beat her, but don’t be completely against going upside her head either because women are going to complain about mistreatment, but with expectation comes a preparation, and preparation lessens the blow of any negative event. On the other hand, women are generally not prepared for an emotionally balanced man–to hear a man tell her that something she’s doing or not doing is hurting him or making him feel bad about himself. The man who makes such complaints wouldn’t be considered manly. Moreover, the woman wouldn’t have a clue as to how to deal with the complaints. Often, there is a backlash because women typically have the moral upperhand since men have a long history of dogging women. Women have just as long a history, but it’s less documented or accepted as relevant.
So what to do? Dog’em! Yeah I said it. Be the asshole, the jerk, the emotionally distant one, the difficult to understand one, the one who won’t admit how he feels, the one who is capricious (in a bad way), the one who stays out late without explaining where’s he’s been, put your apartment in her name and never pay the rent, the one to complain about the clothes she buys you since you don’t have a job, the one who insists upon a double-standard, and the one who is highly likely to cheat on you, but for some reason you just can’t leave him alone because you “love him.” Be that guy. He wins–A LOT!
Don’t try to figure women out. Don’t be the communicative, balanced, emotionally available, door-opening, walk on the outside of the sidewalk type guy–the type to not try to fix all her problems with sex, or the full of passion and romantic spontaneity type guy. He’s only wanted on paper. Amen.