The Fantastic World of Tyler Perry

…And the award for least believable actor portraying a serious character goes to…………IT’S A

She looks nothing like this in the movie, but I prefer to remember Ms. Nasty like this. She looks like she tastes good.

 …TIE!  We’re gonna have to give it to Tyler Perry for his role in Why Did I Get Married Too as a heterosexual married man kissing a woman and Janet Jackson for her role in Why Did I Get Married Too, which was a wholly abortive attempt at being taken seriously as a thespian.

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO AND YOU DON’T WANT ANY OF IT RUINED FOR YOU, DO NOT READ ON.

In the spirit of Pan-Afrikanism I decided to see Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too.  I can’t hate on Tyler for constantly putting out the same material over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  We keep buying it and we keep watching it. 

Anyhow, this movie was pure fantasy.  I mean, sure, humans are involved and all of that, but the relationships are pure fantasy!

First, if your dog-ass, no good, and no count ex-husband drops in on a vacation you’re sharing with your new and loyal husband and your friends, you don’t allow him to stay just cuz he paid.  On sight, your new husband delivers a cool ass whoopin on a warm day, and your ex is summarily sent on his way.  But if for some reason he is allowed to stay and you make it through the vacation, you don’t then call your shitty and coniving ex-husband to plug your new loving husband with a job.  And even if you do something as ridiculous as that, when your new caring husband finds out and shows up at your ex-husband’s spot to deliver an updated ass whoopin’, you don’t answer the damn door!  And even if you do have your ignorant ass in the house, you don’t EVER think that your ex-husband having cancer is going make anything at all okay!  WTF?!  But no matter what, your new husband doesn’t see your ex-husband drinking casually and actually apologize to him for the updated ass whoopin’ just because he has cancer–talkin’ bout, “I know my wife.”  Obviously, you don’t, but her ex-husband does.

Secondly, if you have decided that you don’t love your husband anymore, you don’t announce that you two are getting a divorce on a mini-stage when you’re supposed to be describing why you got married!  And you certainly don’t do that shit without talking to your soon-to-be ex-husband who you say you still love so much!  But if you do lose your mind and do something like that, you don’t then try to cut him out of the money on the sly that he RIGHTFULLY should be allowed to split and then give him the guilt trip!  But even if you’re gonna be that damned cold and heartless, you don’t then show up at this ruined man’s jobsite with a fucking gay dancer in a fake cake!  Have you lost your whole mind?

Thirdly, you bet’ not eva call your man by another man’s name and try to play that shit off with some ridiculous story!  But if he let’s that slide, and I cannot stress this enough, you don’t EVER lay out some new panties and a sexy slip IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND in preparation for your work fling!  Hold up!  And, when he catches you, if you’re straddling him, you need to remove yourself from arm’s length–especially if you’re going to admit to fucking him like he was the only man on Earth while imagining he was your work fling!  Y’all don’t feel me!  Y’all bullshittin’!  What would happen, is the husband would snatch a damned bald spot in the back of yo’ head before spitting in your face, shaking you until you concuss, and unceremoniously kicking your raggedy ass out the crib!  But if for some reason you got passed that without what should have happened to you, there ain’t no way in the hell we’re gonna get together in love just because your rabbid-ass friend killed her husband with her insanity!

Fourthly, you can simply forget about having any kind of normalcy–let alone dating The Rock–after you’ve had a hand in killing your only child and your husband!  Perhaps social relationships aren’t what you need to be writing about it or involving yourself in.  Perhaps, you need to just figure out what the hell is wrong with you before you kill someone else!  Just a thought!

And finally, these two just need forget the whole marriage “we’re gonna be together thing” altogether.

I think it’s noteworthy that all of the women in this movie, including Ms. Tyson who had the holy hell beat out of her by Miles Davis, are divorced, getting divorced, or otherwise single.

…And by the way: Janet’s nose, um no bueno.

 

4 thoughts on “The Fantastic World of Tyler Perry

  1. Hilarious! I read the post even though I haven’t seen the movie because, honestly, I already suspect that the movie is going to be outrageous just like any other typical Tyler Perry movie. That said I do plan to watch it later on DVD or redbox or something. You gotta take Perry movies for what they are. Although the story line is always total BS, it’s still entertaining and good conversation pieces, e.g,. this blog. Good to know what I’m getting myself into.
    So what message is Tyler trying to send, that people shouldn’t get married. And keep in mind that Tyler isn’t married or in any kind of relationship *with a woman* as far as we know and has publicly said he’ll never get married. Why he’d dress as Madea and try to be anyone’s counsel and that people take him seriously is beyond me.

  2. I just saw the movie, so I’m ready to post.

    Tyler Perry does keep recycyling his storylines and showing it to us using a (slight) variation of characters and actors, but we could say the same thing about the African-American fiction writers. Also, I was thoroughly upset with how unbelievable the storyline was and how he left a few plot holes.

    (commenting in the order of your analysis)

    1. It is NEVER okay for your ex (husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, etc) to vacation in the same place, resort, vacinity that you are. It’s barely acceptable to live in the same same city or state. Also, during the divorce his rights to the timeshare should’ve been relinquished or another location should’ve been decided. And more importantly, how did he know everyone would be there at that time?! Next, if you are so through with your ex you do NOT ask them for ANYTHING except to stay out of your life (see Soul Food for alternative consequences). You DEFINITELY do not sneak around helping your cancer-ridden ass if an ex because whether they’re sick or not YOU look wrong! This is how good mates turn bad.

    2. I’m not even gonna get too detailed. I’ll just say the divorce plot was useless – wrong word, not properly developed. Did you REALLY think it was okay to have them go from happy at the end of movie 1 to stupidly crazy in movie 2? Well, it wasn’t.

    3. If you’re gonna cheat, follow through with it ALL THE WAY. Make it worth you and your spouses while of catching you. And please understand that the only thing that could fix the situation is a separation while attending couples therapy.

    4. A year after you went crazy and killed your husband (yeah, I said it) it is not okay to date . . . EVER. And when you try to your husband needs to haunt you EVERYDAY you try to.

    5. Let’s take note that the most dysfunctional married couple really had the most fixable problems.

    Things to take note: Tyler Perry you do not play a convincing heterosexual married man. Also, why do you laugh every line? Janet Jackson, you play a convincing unemotional woman however, you are a mediocre actress. Also, stop trying to show us your breasts; I know they cost a lot of money, but if I wanted to see breasts, I’d look in the mirror. And finally, the movie hairdresser never should be hired again because those were some of the worst weaves I’ve seen on honest celebrities.

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