…TIE! We’re gonna have to give it to Tyler Perry for his role in Why Did I Get Married Too as a heterosexual married man kissing a woman and Janet Jackson for her role in Why Did I Get Married Too, which was a wholly abortive attempt at being taken seriously as a thespian.
WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN WHY DID I GET MARRIED TOO AND YOU DON’T WANT ANY OF IT RUINED FOR YOU, DO NOT READ ON.
In the spirit of Pan-Afrikanism I decided to see Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too. I can’t hate on Tyler for constantly putting out the same material over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. We keep buying it and we keep watching it.
First, if your dog-ass, no good, and no count ex-husband drops in on a vacation you’re sharing with your new and loyal husband and your friends, you don’t allow him to stay just cuz he paid. On sight, your new husband delivers a cool ass whoopin on a warm day, and your ex is summarily sent on his way. But if for some reason he is allowed to stay and you make it through the vacation, you don’t then call your shitty and coniving ex-husband to plug your new loving husband with a job. And even if you do something as ridiculous as that, when your new caring husband finds out and shows up at your ex-husband’s spot to deliver an updated ass whoopin’, you don’t answer the damn door! And even if you do have your ignorant ass in the house, you don’t EVER think that your ex-husband having cancer is going make anything at all okay! WTF?! But no matter what, your new husband doesn’t see your ex-husband drinking casually and actually apologize to him for the updated ass whoopin’ just because he has cancer–talkin’ bout, “I know my wife.” Obviously, you don’t, but her ex-husband does.
Secondly, if you have decided that you don’t love your husband anymore, you don’t announce that you two are getting a divorce on a mini-stage when you’re supposed to be describing why you got married! And you certainly don’t do that shit without talking to your soon-to-be ex-husband who you say you still love so much! But if you do lose your mind and do something like that, you don’t then try to cut him out of the money on the sly that he RIGHTFULLY should be allowed to split and then give him the guilt trip! But even if you’re gonna be that damned cold and heartless, you don’t then show up at this ruined man’s jobsite with a fucking gay dancer in a fake cake! Have you lost your whole mind?
Thirdly, you bet’ not eva call your man by another man’s name and try to play that shit off with some ridiculous story! But if he let’s that slide, and I cannot stress this enough, you don’t EVER lay out some new panties and a sexy slip IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND in preparation for your work fling! Hold up! And, when he catches you, if you’re straddling him, you need to remove yourself from arm’s length–especially if you’re going to admit to fucking him like he was the only man on Earth while imagining he was your work fling! Y’all don’t feel me! Y’all bullshittin’! What would happen, is the husband would snatch a damned bald spot in the back of yo’ head before spitting in your face, shaking you until you concuss, and unceremoniously kicking your raggedy ass out the crib! But if for some reason you got passed that without what should have happened to you, there ain’t no way in the hell we’re gonna get together in love just because your rabbid-ass friend killed her husband with her insanity!
Fourthly, you can simply forget about having any kind of normalcy–let alone dating The Rock–after you’ve had a hand in killing your only child and your husband! Perhaps social relationships aren’t what you need to be writing about it or involving yourself in. Perhaps, you need to just figure out what the hell is wrong with you before you kill someone else! Just a thought!
And finally, these two just need forget the whole marriage “we’re gonna be together thing” altogether.
I think it’s noteworthy that all of the women in this movie, including Ms. Tyson who had the holy hell beat out of her by Miles Davis, are divorced, getting divorced, or otherwise single.
…And by the way: Janet’s nose, um no bueno.