Power of the Penis!

Real quick, two stories:

1) A friend tells me that she regularly goes to Magic’s TGIFriday’s in LA.  While eating, she is approached by a man who strikes up conversation.  He seemed normal enough, and she gave him her number.  He went back to his seat and began to text her.  He asked her if she wanted to see a picture, and you guessed it, he sent her a picture of a huge penis–supposedly his. 

2) Another friend told me that she met a guy at a club.  He was sexy and older.  She hung out with him, and during their first (and last) time hanging out together, he invited her to put her hands down his pants to feel his penis.  While she was turned off by his uncouth request, she did it, and never hung out with him again (which I still find funny for several reasons).  

These are but two stories I’ve heard from women.  I could recount many more, and it has occurred to me that we men simply don’t get it.  Sure a ten inch pipe is good for some women, but those women tend to be professionally paid to have sex (I don’t want sex with a woman who can readily take a pipe that big anyhow!  Dam…..age (lol).  With women, sex is much more than penis size.  I know we all want to believe size matters, and it does.  It sucks for you if you have a small penis, but the reality is, and women will tell you this, you need some length and girth to scratch those itches.  Still, size is not the only thing, and it’s definitely not the most important thing. 

Penis StatueThe very idea that size matters is a man’s creation.  Size matters to us!  We want bigger titties!  We want women with bigger asses.  We want women with bigger sex drives and so on and so forth.  This is how men think.  This is not a woman’s thinking.  I have never heard of a woman sleeping with some dude just because she saw a picture of his penis–no matter how big it was.  In fact, every story I’ve ever heard of a man sending a picture like that has been received with laughter and disdain.  That’s right men.  Women laugh at you when you send those pictures.  She may still sleep with you, but that’s because she actually likes your dumb ass.  That has nothing to do with the very unappealing “cock shot” you sent.  Do we–heterosexual men–like looking at pictures of women’s vagina’s?  I certainly do.  I think they are beautiful–some of them anyhow.  Some of y’all need…well…that’s another post.  But just because a woman sends you a picture of herself naked doesn’t mean that you are supposed to send a picture of your dick.  That’s just stupid, and if you don’t believe me, ask around!

The pictures aren’t even the problem though!  The problem is that we tend to think that we can solve the world’s problems with dick.

May I help you?

May I help you?

Some woman is upset at her job?  Men whisper that she needs a good fucking.  Can’t pay your bills?  Try some dick.  Need a root canal? Perhaps dick will fix the problem.  Having a hard time developing your thesis for that psych class you thought would be easy?  Dick may spark your academic juices.  This is all nonsense of course.  Now, this is not to say that a woman won’t do some out-of-bounds things for good sex, but that is not the same as declaring the cure for breast cancer to be dick. 

Dick won’t cure a damn thing in your life ladies.  I should know.  I’m great in bed, and I’ve yet to fix any of the world’s problems (lol).  Sure, you won’t be as stressed out, but really, that could be accomplished with a good conversation and a long hug.  It’s not the same, of course, but you get my point. 

Now, have I ever sent a “cock shot?”  Well that’s none of your business!  Would I send one?  Hell naw.  Why?  Well, among the multitude of valid reasons, women just don’t find it sexy.  They want to see your body–your face.  They want to imagine you touching them and/or inside of their bodies, and they don’t need a stupid picture of your penis messing up a perfectly good fantasy that would get your dumb ass laid if you would just not fuck it up. 

So think twice fellas.  Don’t send that picture.  And stop thinking you can fix problems with dick.  That’s just stupid. 

…there’s gotta be some rules people

(Rule 83: penis is not a cure-all)

5 thoughts on “Power of the Penis!

  1. I never understood why guys sent pictures of their penises. I’ve even seen pictures (or HBO specials) of women at strip clubs with male dancers, and the young attractive women are MORTIFIED!! It is the 35+ divorced women, who have long-since given up on romance; who don’t mind the image of having their run down, beat up, lookin-like-run over-hush puppies, 35+ year-old TWATAGE (word copyrighted by TheBlackBostonian Publishing Co., circa 2006) filled completely with some King Kong!!! (LMAOOOO!!!……..)

    Anyway, I’m off track with that ridiculously long run-on sentence…..Ummm….yeah, so those guys prob aren’t getting ANY young peach! However, in their defense, it IS always Laugh-Out-Loud FUNNY to see the expression on a young woman’s mortified face. So then the question is, how far will you go for a good laugh — risking jail time, getting your ass kicked by some random guy “defending her honor”, or just NEVER getting any @$$ from her and everyone she knows!! All of those make it NOT worth it, to me!! It’s like, most guys are nice to the fat chicks, because they have slimmer friends. What @$$ hole pisses off an ATTRACTIVE woman, on PURPOSE!?!

  2. You have made me laugh so hard, I may have done myself an injury. Thank you. I have often wondered what the hell is up with that “here’s a picture of my dick” business? Why in the scared name of dog do men think this is a direct route to the pussy? Do. Not. Want.

    • Well, I’m glad you could be entertained! Spread the word, and we, men, will eventually get the picture—er, stop sending the picture. Whatever. You get my point.

  3. Maybe you like bigger tits and bigger butts, but I don’t know another man who thinks either of those makes for an attractive female. We all know that females want a taller man, which is a silly size requirement. So if men don’t want a fat female, that seems fair.

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