WTF Wednesday: At Least I Know She Wipes

WTF Wednesday

WTF Wednesday

Dear Diary,

I finally decided to give in to Mimi’s sexual advances.  She has jumped over every hurdle and ducked every shot (WTF?) I’ve thrown her way, and in a moment of abject sexual frustration, I said yes.  In hindsight, I really wish I’d made that left turn at Albuquerque.

Because I was not exactly excited about sleeping with Mimi, who, is not at all bad looking.  In fact, she’s attractive and smart.  I simply don’t want her, and that would have been evidentWowsers! to a woman who wasn’t consumed with sexual desire for me.  In bed, I went through the motions as she did her thing.  I rolled my eyes as she squirmed with pleasure, feeling that I could have had a V8 instead.  And then it happened….she asked to change positions.  She wanted to have sex doggy style.  While it is not my favorite position, I aim to please.  Time slowed as she turned on her knees…left butt cheek passed eyes….and there, as her weight settled evenly on both knees, between her otherwise beautiful cheeks were several tiny rolled up balls of toilet tissue hopelessly trapped in her ass hair (WTF?!!)  After I caught my breath, and after I calmed my gag reflex, I sat for an agonizing three seconds–paralysis by analysis of the tissue balls free flying in her ass hair–some stained (WTF?)–some unadulterated.  As she moaned something with the word “baby” in it–no doubt encouraging me to continue the sex act, I remembered that a close friend of mine told me that women do, indeed, grow pubic hair in that area, but I had never seen it before.  I was nudged back into reality by Mimi trying to pull me inside her, and to my dissatisfaction, the tissue balls were still there (WTF?).  I felt trapped.  I was afraid–not fearful.  I was afraid.  I had to think of something quickly.  At first I was faking it, but then my coughs and gagging became real.  Sex was canceled as I ran toward the bathroom to recover.  She gave chase and showed real concern at the door, but I couldn’t open it.

PsychicI stared at myself in the mirror for along time–a very long time.  I realized that all this time I’d not really wanted to sleep with Mimi, and although my friends said they would gladly enjoy a sexcapade with her, I was against it.  I had no knowable reason why.  I just couldn’t do it.  Now I feel confident in saying that I am clairovoyant.  I should have trusted my gift.  I will from now on.

…there’s gotta some rules people!

4 thoughts on “WTF Wednesday: At Least I Know She Wipes

  1. I am disgusted beyond words because whenever you plan or hope for sex then you NEED to go above and BEYOND the normal hygiene rules. And that’s all I can say on this topic.

  2. Lmfao!!!!!

    I agree with Spook. Women are supposed to shave, pluck, lotion up, powder down, do all the minor, not to mention major touchups before the PLANNED encounter. C’mon now!

    Ewwwww!!!

  3. LMBAO….this is the funniest thing that I have ever heard. WTF is right. I have to agree with Spook and Ifeoma, even if the sex is unplanned… you always make a pit stop to freshen up. That chick was just plain ole nasty.

    Always, always, go with your gut feeling.

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