WTF Wednesday: Public Restroom Etiquette

Dear Diary,

I was recently a witness to a crime of passion in a public restroom, and I’m not sure how to react to it.  To whom do I report this criminal act?  What should I say?

While in an office building, I figured I’d risk using the restroom because the building was full of Fortune 500 companies–public restrooms are notoriously disgusting of course.  As I cracked the seal on the door, a man’s cry of pain–no no--pleasure (WTF!) reached my ears.  At first, I thought he might have been in the stall with someone else, and I lingered at the mirror out of pure curiousity (WTF)!.  After a few moments and a few grunts, the well-dressed man did not flush the toilet before joining me at the mirror, adjusting his tie, wiping his brow, and after not a drop of water or soap touched his body, he continued out the door (WTF!).

Could I look?  Should I look?  I slowly pushed the stall door clear of my line of sight into the toilet.  There I saw that the water was clean save for a some balled up toilet tissue.  What was the contents of the tissue?  I dared not toy with it.  Still, in my wonderings, my mind always settles on that man assaulting himself.  I wasn’t quiet when I entered the restroom, so he was either unscathed by my presence because he was that focused, or because he was so focused, he was unaware of my presence, and he tried to play it off when he realized I was there.  Or could it be that he just didn’t care, and when you gotta go, you gotta go–er masturbate?

From now on, I’m going to make myself known when entering public restrooms.  And I’ll be absolutely sure to NOT touch anything.  I already don’t touch door knobs or faucet handles.  Better safe than sorry….

9 thoughts on “WTF Wednesday: Public Restroom Etiquette

  1. Ahahahahaha, have you read Naked by David Sedaris? You really should because he talks about some experiences VERY similar to that. He’s really hysterical I seriously recommend that book.

  2. That’s nasty, but I’m sure it happens more than you’d imagine. Especially men in stressful jobs…sometimes you just need to release a bit of tension. But damn…can you wash your hands!?!

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