Dear Diary, August 9th, 2009:
Upon being invited to a good friend’s, Gina, 29th birthday party at a relatively nice (as clubs go) club in Hollywood, I was excited. My spirits were a bit dampened by the 4 1/2 hours (WTF!?) I’d spent getting a root canal on tooth #18 of couple of days prior. I ignored the pain in my jaw, though, because Gina said she was bringing nothing but women!
Sounds like good times. I invited my cousin–professional wing-man extraordinaire. He invited a female friend of his whose body is absolutely amazing,
but her teeth…(WTF!?)…I was particularly sensitive to her teeth because I’d just come from the dentist. No biggie. I figured I’d focus on the birthday girl’s friends. I called Gina to check on her progress and the progress of her friends. She explained that she’d be on the way as soon as two friends of Angela’s, whom Gina had never before met, finished using her deodorant (WTF?!).
Me, my cousin and his friend, “Sharky,” arrived around 10:15 PM to find that we were the first ones there. Ten minutes later, Gina and her crew pulled up to valet park. The valet is literally right in front of the door. I noticed the ladies frantically moving about the car–going in and out of the trunk of the car. I was later told that they were searching for money to pay the $20 valet (WTF!?).
We all meet and greet in front of the “line”–no one else is there–and I am disappointed to discover that my friend, Gina, is the most attractive one in her group. She’s attractive on her own, but her friends, one of which is an old friend of mine whom I’d not seen in over eight years, Angela, were a montage of painted eyebrows, unbe-weavable hair-don’ts, varicose veins, and unappealing body types–not the least of which was prime booty-do (when your stomach sticks out farther than your “booty do”) (WTF?!). In defense of Angela, she had a baby not too long ago, and she’d never really been fit for an “after” picture–mostly just “before.”
Anyhow, after about twenty minutes, I’m in the quickly filling club for free doing my patented two-step when Angela accosts me for $2. She said she wanted a drink, and she was $2 short (WTF?!). I hadn’t seen her in eight years, we had no conversation while waiting outside the club, but there I was pulling two bucks from my wallet. She promised to pay me back $5 when we all left the club. My mind flashed back to Angela searching in her car for money for the valet. Gina looked at me in horrifying embarrassment at her friend’s request and danced away from me. Continue two-stepping.
Not long after I’d been shaken down for $2, I noticed Angela urging Mimi (Angela’s friend whom Gina and I had never met before that night) to approach me. Angela tapped me on the shoulder and told me that Mimi wanted to meet me. I jokingly mentioned that we’d just met (briefly) outside. Without warning, Mimi asked me for a $1, saying that she was just that close to being able to afford a drink and could I help her out (WTF?!). She promised to pay me back as soon as we left the club. As I reached for my wallet, her promises to pay me back echoed, and my mind flashed back to seeing her and Angela moving seats in order to find money to pay for the valet.
I then walked over to the bar, wallet three bucks lighter, to find Gina staring off into the distance with a confused look throughout her countenance. For a moment, I thought she might ask me for $.50 or something–just following the theme of the night. Nope. She was in awe of what had just transpired. A woman ordered a drink that came while she was in the bathroom. Angela, unceremoniously picked up the drink, and casually sipped it as if it had been purchased for her (WTF?!). I bought Gina a birthday martini and tried to console her.
The night wasn’t a complete bust. Angela was comforted by “Cole” B.K.A. “Cockroach” from The Cosby Show (yes–he was there). The music wasn’t bad. The club was nice-looking, and I enjoyed spending time with Gina, and I think she had a good time despite her begging friends and deodorant thieves. Still, I have to ask, WTF!?
I never did recover the $3…Oh well…