Overpriced popcorn sprinkled with too much salt and just the right amount of imitation butter to give me a proper heart attack: check!
Tub of soda guaranteed to result in adult onset diabetes: check!
The White family who brought their newborn, dangly-necked baby because they just had to see The Hangover: check!
Mexican American family replete with the grandmother who is too old to follow the movie, the father, the mother, and three filthy-faced children who have never been told to just sit down and shut up: check!
Unsupervised Black children with no mental kill switch to shut them up while they continue kicking my seat: check!
Creepy White man who most assuredly drives a White windowless van: check!
Ahh…I love the movie theater experience….Wait! “Um, do you have to sit right next to me in this big ass empty theater?!”
More than any other staple of movie-going, I cannot understand or tolerate people who need to sit right next to me, in the row right in front of me, or in the row just behind me–directly behind me. If I’m at a premier, I don’t complain because I understand what I’m signing up for, but WTF!? It’s Tuesday, and I’m watching The Watchmen at the dollar theater because it’s not showing anywhere else anymore, so why are you sitting so close to me in this empty ass theater?
I don’t accept that you wanted to be in the middle of the theater in order to see the screen better because you people (you know who you are) do this even when I sit in the side rows. How many of us sit directly in front the TV while at home? How many of us have a television that can rival a movie theater screen? If you can’t see the movie because you’re not sitting in the center seat of a theater with a curved screen so that you can see it from anywhere you sit, perhaps movie-going isn’t for you!
It doesn’t stop there though! Who are these people who are just so tied to every other human that they feel the need to sit right next to me when I’m on the train, the bus, or in public places like the airport? Why do you need to stand in my hoola hoop? I need three feet everybody. Spread out! We’re not in a third-world country or China where we would be used to being so close to each other.
And what bothers me so much is that we feel like we’re being rude by telling these people to back up a bit. No! It’s time out for that–for good! I can’t go any faster than the person in
front of me. That’s how a “line” works you big dummy! Back up! I ought to be able to turn without brushing up against you. Can I get some personal space please? Damn!
I’ve decided to do something about this though y’all. I no longer sit by idle as someone sits right by me. On two occasions now, I’ve asked the perpetrator why he (both were White men–cultural?) chose to sit right next to me in an empty space. Neither had logical, rational, or even justifiable answers for their actions. Think about what you’re doing people. We live in a society, and there is room here. You don’t have to be on my bumper like that. Besides, why do you want to be so close to someone you don’t know anyhow when you could have your own space? This especially boggles me with regard to White people who have a long history of moving away from people of color. I’m big and Black. Why aren’t you afraid of me anymore? What am I not doing?
Apparently, my face is just too amicable for my own good. I need to get my grimace on!
…there’s gotta be some rules people!
(Rule 133: Personal space is important)