Those who know me know that I don’t date outside of my race. Part of the reason is socio-cultural. Another part is political. And really, Black women offer everything I could ever want in a woman, coming in all shapes, sizes, shades of color, and styles. So before anyone offers the ridiculous comment that I’m stifling myself or limiting my options, consider that we are not talking about Asian women here (yeah I said it). There are just too many types of Black women for anyone to become bored or feel stifled by dating Black women exclusively. In short, Black women (in general) are my audience with regards to finding a mate.
I’m 6’4″ and about 235 lbs. On paper, most women would be attracted to me, but in reality, not every woman thinks I’m sexy (they need to get their eyes checked!). Apparently though, the ideal sexy man is about 5’9″, White, and relatively slim with ripped abs. But is this really what every woman thinks is hot for a man? Obviously not.
I don’t get down on myself for not looking like one of the “sexiest men alive” nor should I. I don’t appeal to every woman, and not every woman appeals to
me. I don’t wanna sleep with every woman in the world–no matter how much I sing along with that Drake and Lil’ Wayne joint. Of the infinite choices of Black women available, only certain types appeal to me, and it is to those women that I cater.
Beauty is culturally-defined ladies and gentleman, and I thought that was common information, but apparently there are still women (and men) who watch TV and peruse magazines to discover what is sexy in a sincere desire to become that. Not every woman will have an ass like Melyssa Ford, and not every man (not even all Black men) want a woman who does. For some men, a slim woman like Zoe Saldana is exactly what’s hot. Not every man is attracted to women with full lips like Jill Jones or Meagan Good. Not every man wants a fair-skinned woman, and not every man wants a dark-skinned woman. Hell, for that matter, not every man wants a woman!
My point is that we must all consider our audience when trying to attract a mate. It is not intelligent (yes stupid) to be caught up in media representations of what’s attractive. Not even those regularly depicted in various forms of media can keep up with the whim of “what’s hot,” and we ought not give that much power to another soul. Define yourselves people.
Before I compose a post or write an academic article I take into consideration who I am speaking to. Not everything on this blog is for everyone. If something doesn’t move you in any given way, that might be the case by design because we are not speaking to or about you. If a White woman finds me ugly, even with a storehouse of spare “damns” that I wish I could get rid of, I wouldn’t give one to a White woman who finds me unattractive–no matter how much she wanted one. White women are not the object of my interest.
I don’t like that so many people place so much of their self-esteem in what others say they should like. It’s psychologically taxing and unhealthy (I think). We must seek to be okay with ourselves on our own terms first! Then, we must consider who it is we want to attract and what usually attracts those types of individuals. You won’t catch me in skinny jeans because I don’t want to be with a woman who thinks those are fresh!
Now, turn your attention to the first picture in this post. She goes by the name of Angel Lola. Angel has a bit of controversy surrounding her “career” because it is clear that she purchased butt implants–among other items.
She literally purchased her soft porn modeling career. Pre-surgery, she was attractive, but she wanted to attract a certain crowd, and while I commend her on her dedication to attract the type of attention she wants, her reality is more indicative of a plague of insecurity that is so common that we don’t really give it a second thought when we see the afflicted. If you want to allow someone else to define beauty for you, by all means buy a wig, color contacts, shoot ass-fat in your lips, buy an ass, some new tits, have a rib or two removed, pay for a body lift, and after you’re done building this new person, ask yourself: What kind of person is interested in someone who has done all that I have done to myself?
…there’s gotta be some rules people.