I live in So. Cal. friends, and I am extremely troubled by an ignored epidemic here. The button imprints on your stomach,
the inability to breathe naturally,
the too-little T-shirt that is hard-pressed to connect with the top of your jeans–you guessed it! Muffin top is attacking women (apparently unbeknownst to them) at alarming rates.
What is this?…And let me give a special WTF to those women who were not available when god was passing out round butts. Is the goal to somehow trick us into thinking that you do have a nice butt? Are we to ignore the volcanic-like explosion of meat atop your struggling belt line?
Is showing your tattoo that serious?
It’s not to us! Is it really so terrible an idea to just purchase YOUR size in jeans? Have you been receiving mass appeal based upon your muffin top? Have men been dying to touch it–to build upon that real estate? The housing market is jacked up right now. Who has been lying to you!? Who have you been consulting? That person or persons should be fired immediately!! You should have asked a Black Man.
Once any part of your waistline begins to double over allowing flesh to touch the outside of your bottoms–in public no less–you are venturing into troubled waters my dear, and I, for one, can no longer sit in tacit agreement and allow this to happen without offering some correction.
It is time for us all to be okay with our bodies or do something about what we don’t like; however, and I cannot stress this enough, buying shorts or jeans or pants or skirts that are a few sizes too small for you, IS NOT THE ANSWER. I repeat, that is not the answer. I’m writing that in red like Jesus’ words in the Bible because this is gospel that I’m giving you.
…there’s gotta be some rules people!
Do you hear me Mexican women? This goes double for you!
(Rule 47: Muffin top is just not cute)