Is there a such thing as a monogamous relationship? Is cheating natural behavior for relationships? My answer is “no” to the first question and “yes” to the second. I had to learn this though. I was a solid believer in the monogamous relationship for the longest. I was one of those guys who knew from a young age that he wanted to be with just one woman, and I tried to make that happen. I was one of those guys who never learned to be a player and who had no problem accepting an emotional side of humanity–of masculinity (now I’m in a new training program). However, through experience I have determined that such a dream–monogamous and committed relationships–is a chimera.
In fact, everyone (even me if I get the chance to) cheats. Men I know cheat whenever they have the opportunity. Women (even what I would call “good women”) cheat. Since everyone is cheating, I realized that WTF am I doing NOT cheating? It’s ridiculous. It is easier for women to accept that a man cheats than for a woman to believe that a man doesn’t cheat, and, men I know never put it past their women to cheat. Since everyone is cheating, I would only be stupid to not do the same.
Let me switch gears now. Scenario 1) : You suspect your partner of cheating–of violating your trust and the sanctity of your relationship. You get into your partner’s email, facebook, myspace, etcetera, and behold, this person is cheating! Are you justified in your actions? You have been committed to this person for a year and a half. How do you actually handle this new information you’ve acquired? Please don’t tell me what you think you should do. I want to know what you really would do–or have done.
Scenario 2): All is the same as the first except now you find no proof of cheating at all, which your partner has been saying all along. Is no evidence proof that this person is not cheating, or do you simply ignore that, monitor those accounts and continue with your insecurity?
Scenario 3): You have been cheated on, but you have stayed in the relationship out of love and because the person swears that he or she has changed and “would never hurt you like that again”–how many times have you heard that? lol Anyhow, there is always someone waiting in the wings, and now this person is showing you interest, knowing that you have been hurt in the past. Are you justified in cheating now with someone who seems to understand you and your plight?
The thing about relationships is that really, they are just social contracts, and these contracts, except for marriage, are not legally enforceable. People enter and leave them at their whim. Therefore, commitment is almost an impossibility. I wish this weren’t so. I much prefer to be with just one woman–give her my all. I am naturally inclined to putting my passions in just one woman, but for what? What’s the point? It is better for me to protect myself. This means less emotional content and more logic and reason.
We ought to accept the truth of this. Accept that the person you so dearly love may just cheat on you one day soon if they have not done so yet. In accepting that, we should be more honest with each other–change our expectations for one another and adjust our behaviors accordingly. Everyone should just date. A relationship ain’t nuttin’ but a job, and a job ain’t nuttin’ but work!
Again, tell me why I’m wrong…