(This one here hits home. I’m going to try to be as objective as possible, but…forgive me if I can’t.)
So we have heard this axiom so many times that it seems to have lost its power, but I submit that the phrase “nice guys finish” is in fact an axiom because it rings true; otherwise, we would not have all heard this saying. Let’s move on.
The overwhelming truth (yes truth) is that women respond more positively to cheaters, wife beaters, disrespectful men, jerks, and the like. Now, I have never heard a woman say that she prefers men like that, but if the totality of your dating history is filled with men like this, guess what? These are the types of men you prefer, and you should investigate why that is or at least stop claiming to want a certain type of man.
I have had two female friends on separate occasions tell me that they could not date me (not that I wanted to :~) because I couldn’t see myself telling them what to do. Wow! While I agree that confidence and assertiveness are sometimes necessary and preferable, I hadn’t realized that such a combative disposition is preferable. Are women really wanting to be dominated?
I read a scholarly journal article discussing women’s preferences relative to certain types of men. A woman explained how she’d married the sweetest man. He was respectful, caring, a good lover, and physically attractive. However, she soon found herself disengaged in the marriage because he was too satisfied with their middle-class lifestyle (+ $100K/year). They argued. He pleaded with her to stay and reminded her that he has been all that she has asked of him–that he is everything that she once found lacking in so many other men. Still, he wasn’t “exciting.” He was stable. He was sane and dependable. She did not have to worry that he was going to cheat on her or mistreat her. In the end, she left her husband because “he wasn’t aggressive enough.” What did she end up with? At the time of the interview, she had finally gotten exactly what she wanted. She’d been used and abused by several more “aggressive” men! lol
I have found that as much as women try to argue that men are crazy or no good or whatever, these are the men they want! It’s difficult to complain when you are supporting the system that you are complaining about. You could get different results by employing different behavior.
In The Will to Change by bell hooks, bell explained a relationship she entered with an emotionally balanced man. That is, the man was strong, self-assured, but he was also very aware of himself emotionally. He could be caring and understanding without feeling like less of a man. However, their relationship had many struggles. She found that she was not prepared to handle a man like that. She had been wishing she could find a man like that, and now that she had found one, she didn’t understand him. She admitted that it took some learning and adjustment within her in order to be good for a “good brotha.”
If even a bell hooks (hopefully you know something about her–you should!) had problems being with a nice guy, indeed, nice guys will finish last, as, I submit to you that most women are simply not worthy of a nice dude. A man like that is beyond most women. Indeed, it will take a very special woman to be able to appreciate a man like that. And, well, women like that are very rare. If you know any, I would LOVE to meet them!
That said, it’s better for nice guys to be assholes! That’s right, I said it! Nice guys, are playing by rules that no one else is playing by, and these brothas are being taken for granted, disrespected, used, abused, and ruined because women just don’t really want them. Women keep men like this around because they feel like they should love them, but they just don’t. Women do want nice brothas after having been used up, carrying LAX luggage, but what good brotha would want a woman like that? Anyhow, being a nice guy will get you hurt every time. NICE GUYS OF THE WORLD…REBEL! Cheat! If you want to win the woman, a little disrespect goes a long way!
Now…tell me why I’m wrong…