Misadventures In Interracial Dating

So, um, I’ve noticed (as I’m sure that you have) that there is something different at work when Black men date White women.    

Of course, this is a general trend, but I’ve noticed that White men tend to date Black women who at least look like they are quality women.  They tend to have a happy disposition (maybe because they are with a White man), and they look like they can read–like you could hold a conversation with them.  I can’t help but feel that White men are satisfying some ancient and deeply genetic desire to  connect with Earth’s original beauty–Black women.  Okay, maybe that’s not true, but you can’t slight me for trying to win points with sistas, and that doesn’t diminish the fact that White men tend to date good-looking Black women when they do date Black women.  

So WTF is up with Black men when we date White women?  I’ve seen attractive White women.  They exist.  I promise they do! So why do Black men find the heaviest, raunchiest, most slack-jawed, matted-haired, toothless, bad skindid, welfare-ex-prom-queen White women we can find?  Over time, I’ve come to not be bothered by interracial dating.  I have my reasons for not engaging in that, but I have to question why Black men date the trashiest of the White trash.  If we must disrespect our Black mothers (and it could be viewed that way), why not get the best of what other races have to offer?  These women are so unappealing that we (yes you too!) are forced to ask ourselves how these two looked when they first got together.  Are Black men actually starting relationships with these women as is?  Whatever the case…

..there’s gotta be some rules people!

17 thoughts on “Misadventures In Interracial Dating

  1. LOL. You are definitely asking for trouble with this one!
    DISCLAIMER: I am NOT against interracial dating at all. I am all for love, wherever you may find it. I am against the few black men out there that choose to date everything BUT a black woman. That’s just disrespectful and stupid, frankly. I haven’t heard a good excuse yet as to why a black man chooses not to date his own women. I mean, how many white men do you know that go around saying “I can’t stand white women”? Just infuriating!
    That said,I believe that SOME of the black men that choose to be with the trashy white women do so because it’s “easier”. I’ve heard from black men that black women generally are “difficult”, “talk too much”, even “nag too much.” Maybe for those black men that experience that they should look in the mirror and do some self-assessment. In my experience, the black men that complain about such things are lazy, unaccomplished and have no drive. They choose the trashy white women because they don’t require much from their man.

    • The problem is that this doesn’t explain why Black men date the trashiest of the White women available. The stereotype for White women is that they are easily handled (for lack of a better way to say it) than Black women, so if that’s the case, why not get a fine White woman?

  2. This is classic conversation. So from speaking with some Black men, the deal is that these women feel honored to have that Black man and thus they are submissive, generally they are the breadwinners also, so not only do they bow down they pay to do so….now when you find a sista that will do the same then more Black men will date Black women! As for the White men getting the educated Sistas… well just read my first comment and it explains itself. Black men don’t really want a smart Black women…”She know too damn much…” Okay I am making myself giggle… Being a very smart Black woman this is the challenge I face every day. White men are ready to take me out and watch me shine! Black men get made because I make too much and know too much and I don’t have any burdens that they can use to belittle me… no kids, no babies daddies, no addictions. I am burden free, yet single… Go Figure. Where my white man at…. Well I already went there so it ain’t all roses but I got farther with that White man than I have with a brother….

    • Yikes! Are brothas really just against educated and capable sistas? The dominant masculine narrative is against capable women. I wonder if it is just Black men…


  4. LOL……this is a discussion that the creator of this blog and I have often. I’ve noticed that when this question is posed to Black men if they don’t cop out by saying that it’s the Black woman’s fault that they don’t date them then they use the excuse that they couldn’t help who they fall in love with. Are they serious?!?!? Of course we can help who we fall in love with. How many of us out there have honestly fell in love at first sight? We fall in love by spending time with and getting to know an individual. So they had to purposely work at falling in love. Men across the spectrum have at one time or another expressed interest in wanting to date me but since I know that my king will be a strong black man I don’t put myself in a situation with men outside of my race to accidentally on purpose fall in love. At this point in my life I don’t care about interracial dating as much as I use to, it’s just not for me, but it is comical that more times than not the black men who do engage in such behavior tend to find the fattest, nastiest, sloppiest, meth using, trailer park living white girl they can find. LOL But oh well it’s entertaining if nothing else. So to all you sellout brothas out there keep up the comic relief. BTW…..I also find it interesting that so far only women have commented on this blog. LOL

    • Since we have discussed this before, you know how I feel. I do, however, want to comment on the lack of male response. Only one other brotha has commented here, and really, we NEED to get an understanding of how Black men see this. I’ve invited a bunch of brothas to comment. So if you know of someone who might be able to add to this conversation, I’d love to read their thoughts!

  5. I’m going to ask the question that usually, EVENTUALLY come up with this topic: Black women, do you really WANT these (black) men that want just ANYTHING, anyway??? Let the ugly/sorry be with the ugly/sorry. I mean, F*** em!! Now if a “quality” black man is doing it….well….he probably never really was into black women anyway — personal choice. Let’s be the change we want to see in the world. Let’s not waste precious time on these people. They don’t deserve the spotlight!!

  6. Good point…lol…the only problem is, there’s no need for discussion if we follow what you say lol!

    Besides, I really want to know why Black date such bad looking White women.

  7. LOL to a lot that was said on this thread. I agree with a few statements said… particularly Black men who REFUSE to date Black women. I find that very very disturbing for many reasons. Most importantly, while I love love of all shades, there is a special type of love shared with those that look alike and share a common social narrative. I received an interesting comment last night that parallels this theme: A Black man told me that he loves how Black women have a way of making their men feel like a King, while still [being] powerful Queens. And let’s [be] real: white women can have the toothless, unemployed, unintelligent ones, they’re not my type anyway 🙂

  8. I think to understand this issue of interracial dating, we really have to go in more depth about race and gender. Of course, we want to love and be loved but many of our feelings are constructed around the definition of race and gender. I think it would be important to re-introduce this idea of intersectionality. I am a white man (french) married to a black woman. Coming from another country, the images that I had of black women were quite different and some were similar from what they are here, but my wife also saw me as different from being a white american man. She felt more comfortable dating me because she did not see me as having the same socialization as other whites. So to deal properly with interracial dating, we have to dig deeper in the social construction of white/black masculinity as well as black/white femininity (as well as for other racial/ethnic groups) and understand the oppressive forces at play. It is easy to talk about love but I think our emotions and feelings are in large developed along those constructed and oppressive images.

  9. I know your looking for some manly thoughts, but (seeing how I’m lacking the goods to meet those requirements) here is another femme reflection.
    These [black] men have low self esteem. They are not confident in their manhood. They are probably not where they want to be career-wise. Not at their physical peak. Not ballin’ out of control (lol). And, therefore, dont have the confidence to try and pull a strong Black woman or even a decent looking White woman. So, they take what they can get (in the form of a doubty, submissive, yet monetarily supportive White woman).
    And Medskool is right when he says that Black women really dont want these men anyways. But good Black men seem to be few and [far] between. So good Black women, fed up with being alone, look outside their racial demographic to fulfill their needs (i.e., White men with intellectual Black women).
    Once, these Black men work on themselves, and their confidence is raised as a result, then we may see more successful Black couples gracing our streets.

  10. Yes, Sundjata and I have discussed this phenomenon at length. Let me just throw this out there: for the record, I would DEFINITELY not date a black woman that couldn’t read. Reading is a pre-requisite. (I would certainly date one though, if the chemistry were right.)

    Anyway, one issue that has not been raised is the issue of money. Yes, it is empirically true that when many otherwise relatively attractive black men date white women, they invariably choose the most wolf-ugly atrocity that they can find. This is an issue of supply and demand: the black dude may feel that he can raise his social status in some way by dating a fat ugly white girl, or maybe he knows that said fat ugly white girl will give it up quick and support him; either way, he gets something out of the deal. The fugly white girl wins because she has found someone who can stand to be around her for more than 10 minutes. HOWEVER, when a black man has MONEY, his options are generally much better, and the white woman he tends to date are proportionally hotter (this is a trend that holds true across all races, of course).

    So, in my view, its really an issue of simple economics. Men, in their biologically ordained quest for procreation, will attempt mate with with the most desireable female they are able to obtain; barring that, they will choose the quick and easy path (as Vader did). Yes, I’m saying that they choose to follow the dark side of the force. Yes, I’m saying that the dark side equals fat hideous white woman. Yes, I love the irony in that statement.

    • Good points. I’d actually forgotten that Black men with money (men with money) tend to date more attractive women, and really, this may say more about women than it does men. I always hear women complaining about not being able to find a good man or a man who can accept them for who they are. Meanwhile, they overlook the lowly man and strive for men outside of their tax bracket. Moreover, I also hear that brothas date White women specifically to come up financially. Let’s face it, Whites are much richer and wealthier than any other racial group in the US, and that goes double for Blacks. As much as women complain about how crappy and shallow men (searching for sex), I would be hard-pressed to find a woman who really didn’t care about money. So what does that make women? I’ll comment on that later, but for this conversation, I think Tim raises a good point. Of course, there are exceptions, but the issue of money cannot be overlooked.

      Likewise, the issue of submissiveness cannot be overlooked. I have found that WOMEN (not just White women) are as nasty as you help them to be. Still, if you watch porn, and I’m sure you do, you’ll notice that White women dominate the raunchiest, most hardcore, fetish porn around. And, for some Black men, the ability to truly slut a woman out is a draw. Let’s not forget that part of what makes sex exciting for men is the domination and the fantasy(?) that women want it like that. Stereotypically, Black women are not considered to be submissive. Again, I found this to be completely false, but perhaps the stereotype that White women will take care of a brotha sexually and financially (real or not) is enough. Not only that, it’s good to have someone around who recognizes that the only thing they have to offer is sex and money. That’s a useful human being. Sad, but so what?!

  11. Ok, as with all statements like:

    “Black guys who date white women only trashy white women”

    There is a VAST over-generalization taking place. Obviously, there are some black men that date perfectly normal white women, and there are some that date only mildly skanky white women.

    That having been said, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed the trend myself. So, I will comment on the straw man.

    Assuming that Black men are no more or less physically attractive then other men, and that they are no more or less intelligent than other men, we are left with one likely set of relevant variables: the social.

    Some social characteristic or set of social characteristics must attract trashy white women to black men, and/or vice versa. Some possible examples:

    1) Status: “Black” is lower status than “White” in American society. As a result, black men wishing to date white women must pick the “low hanging fruit,” so to speak. The only portion of American culture where this does not hold is amongst the lower echelons, where Blacks are the charismatic vanguard. Thus, “lower class” white women would look up to Black as the ideal, causing them to pursue Black mates.

    2) Identity: “Black” culture notoriously (and tragically) tends to embrace cultural symbols related to poverty and ignorance. They’ve entangled their identities with these cultural symbols in the same way that homosexual culture embraced the word “queer;” it’s an attempt to find empowerment in what had previously caused the larger society to degrade and dismiss them. This unfortunate trend has had many consequences for them, including relative isolation into physical and social spaces defined by poverty and ignorance. By extension, the white women they have access to have to live in those same social spaces. Not all of these women, but probably more than a couple, are trashy. On the flip side, non-trashy white women probably don’t frequent these same social spaces. Access to mates is therefore skewed.

    3) Latent Racism: “High class” white women come from “high class” white parents. These parents may not think of themselves as racist, but may not think of their daughter dating a black man as ideal. These kinds of things will definitely influence mate selection, and may reduce the likelihood of such women dating black men.

    4) Ontological Insecurity: Black culture still has a lot of insecurity towards white culture. Many black men may not feel comfortable dating “perfect” white women. Some may need to feel superior to the woman, which might manifest itself in the form of thunder thighs, buck teeth, stringy hair, and the tendency to say “nuh-uh” ad infinitum.

    Long story short, I think it’s probably some mixture of social variables that causes the apparent trend. That, or each of the inter-racial relationships in question are actually beautiful little snowflakes where both individuals are madly and purely in love.

    Probably not, though.


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